Artsy Fartsy

I usually don’t swear on this blog cause, you know, my mom is reading, but I found this site today and it was so cute, I figured Mom would forgive me. I love it! There are even cute little craft kits in case you want to get all crafty, too. Go check it out! www.craftyasschick.com

OK, to steal a line from South Park, have I broken a funny fuse? Either there’s something wrong with the entire movie-watching world, or Luke and I have busted fuses. Not only did we recently not enjoy The Wedding Crashers, which many people that I know liked, but last night we watched The Matador, which friends had told us was HILARIOUS, and we couldn’t stand it. What is going on?

I had half a dozen moments where I sort of “ha” laughed, more chuckled, I suppose, but “hilarous” wasn’t a word that ever came into my mind. Who directed that thing? IMDB tells me it was Richard Shepard. Luke, at one point said, “this looks like a cheap Quentin Tarantino movie”, and he was right on. The bizarre scenes for no apparent reason: Juian (Pierce Brosnan) walking through the lobby in his Speedo, heading for the pool, then dropping into the water, sunglasses on, drink in hand, where he sees - a shark? What in the world was that about. I think there are less outrageous ways to show that Julian is starting to fall apart. The giant, cheap-looking titles of: MEXICO and DENVER and BUDAPEST telling you where the scene is taking place, sort of Tarantino-ish, but cheesy. The random, unnecessary sex scenes: the sex scene with the dog chewing on Julian’s pant leg - our entire scene in BERLIN - what was the reason for that? I think I got it early on in the movie that Julian filled his non-hit man life with sex and alcohol, I don’t think it was necessary to throw random sex scenes in all through the movie to prove that point. I did like how the end wrapped up and brought you back to the earlier scene in Mexico City where something happened to cause Danny to “owe one” to Julian. I liked that. See? I do have positive things to say.

Well anyhow, you get it, something is wrong with me and Luke. We need replacement funny fuses, ours are broken.

Hi there - remember me? Yeah, I’m sorry. I was chasing down a cold all last week and was lucky enough to catch it for good on Friday. This was bad becasue of all the aching, nose-blowing, whining, etc. But this was good because I got to spend some quality time with my favorite fuzzy blanket, laying on the couch, watching TV all weekend.

Thanks to TBS and their all-movie weekends, a stop on Friday at Blockbuster, and a good collection of DVDs at home, I was not without movies all weekend long. And this is what I have to say about them all.

Funny Farm with Chevy Chase (from the collection)

I love this movie. Funny Farm and The Princess Bride always come out when I’m not feeling well. They’re funny, they’re light, and they cheer me right up. Also, if I happen to fall into a drug-induced coma while watching, I can wake up at any point in the movie and still know what’s going on. I’m still shocked when someone tells me they’ve never seen Funny Farm. This usually happens after I make a Redbud or a Yellow Dog reference. (And if you don’t know what I’m talking about right now, you need to go see the movie.)

Serendipity with John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale (courtesy of TBS)

Very cute. I’ve seen parts of this movie before but never the whole thing all the way through. John Cusack was born to play the slightly pathetic, yet still so lovable, yearning-for-love guy, wasn’t he? He was cute, Jeremy Previn was so funny, and Kate Beckinsale is beautiful, of course. A sweet love story.

Transporter 2 with Jason Statham (Blockbuster)

I love Jason Statham. I don’t care how cheesy the movie is. He could read the phonebook out loud, then win a highly improbable fight wherein he is outnumbered and unarmed except for a jar of mayonnaise and some yarn I’d still say I liked it. The fast-action driving scenes are exciting, the fight scenes entertaining, and the balding man with the ambiguous accent is foxy. I loved this movie.

Mona Lisa Smile with Julia Roberts (from the collection)

What a surprise! I really liked this movie. I borrowed it about a year ago from my mother-in-law and haven’t watched it because I thought, for some reason, that I wouldn’t like It. I have no idea why because it was fantastic. I can’t imagine being a college-aged woman in the early 50’s like these girls were. What an incredibly hard time to grow into adulthood. I thought the actors were all fantastic and I wanted all of their hair-dos and skirts! I’ve loved Ginnifer Goodwin since seeing her on Ed, and despite her incredibly irritating voice, I thought Kirsten Dunst did a great job as the one you love to hate. This was the first time I had seen Maggie Gyllenhaal in a movie and I thought she was excellent. I spent the whole movie trying to figure out why she looked familiar to me. I still don’t know why. Julia Roberts, of course, was excelent and the whole really was delightful. I’m still surprised.

Lucas with Corey Haim (courtesy of TBS)

This movie is so sweet. Watching it makes me feel all awkward and embarassed like back when I was in school. Little nerdy Corey Haim is so cute and pathetic, and that redhead, IMDB tells me her name is Kerri Green, she’s the same girl from Goonies with the cute face and slight whine to her voice. Lucas is sappy sweet and light and perfect to watch while you’re home sick on the couch with a box of tissues.

Wedding Crashers with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson (Blockbuster)

What a disappointment. I love Vince Vaughn as much as I love Jason Statham so it hurt me greatly not to like this movie. I liked parts of it. I laughed in a whole bunch of places. I even loved the ending, but as a whole, it dragged. I found myself looking at the clock constantly because it felt like it went on FOREVER. Funny, funny, booooring, funny, funny, booooring. This is how it went. Like a series of excellent, related skits, threaded together with slow set-ups that pulled it down. So disappointing. But despite the occasional boredom and the extra weight Vince Vaughn packed on for the role, he was still quick and funny and cute. Owen Wilson, though, really needs to get that nose fixed.

Well, that’s it from the couch. I’m starting to feel better and now I’m back to work so the movie-reviewing will have to go on hiatus for a while. Until next weekend, at least. I still have The Matador from Blockbuster to watch, so maybe I’ll have more to say later.

My mom reads my blog but said the other day that she wasn’t sure if she should. Well of course she should. Look - she’s even on it!

When I started school, I missed my mom so much during the day that I invented reasons to go to the nurse to try to get my little self sent home. Poor Mrs. Peak, the gullible school nurse. Either she was an incredible pushover or she really didn’t care, becasue no excuse was too crazy. My underwear was too tight, I got a sliver on the playground, my earrings made my ears hurt, and of course, my favorite excuse: my tummy ached. Anything to get her to call my mom to come get me.

My mom couldn’t always come pick me up and I was always so disappointed when one of my grandparents came to get me. Ug, not Grandpa. It was like a wasted excuse to go home because I still wasn’t with my mom.

At some point after I started the first grade, I decided to take a picture of my mom to school with me so I wouldn’t miss her so much. I framed this picture of her on vacation with my dad and kept it in my pencil box. I would sit at my desk, take my pencil box out of my bag, set up my pencil, my eraser, and my picture of Mom on my desktop. Then I was ready to start the day.

It really seemed to work. Although I still missed her so much, I felt like she was there with me. The trips to Mrs. Peak’s office became fewer and I eventually learned how to spend the day at school without my mom.

I love this picture and I still have it, twenty-four years later. I took it to college with me and I still keep it on my desk at home because no matter how old you are, you can still miss your mom.

And now I want to cry. Sorry Mom, you’re probably tearing up, too. Keep reading my blog and know that I still miss and love you very much!

No, that’s not ragweed pollen, that’s my website as a graph. How cool is that. You can graph your own site by going here: Websites As Graphs. A pretty cool way to waste some time for no real reason.

Think back. Can you remember your high school yearbook quote? Was it something lame? Some lyrics to a song you thought ROCKED the year you graduated? I remember my quote exactly and I think of it and repeat it to myself all the time. Here it is, complete with a picture and some lovely stats of how I spent my four years of high school.

To everyone who read that quote back in 1994 when I graduated, and even those reading it now, I must have seemed like someone who wanted to say something profound about fashion. Or to look cool quoting Jane’s Addiction. Not so. To me, this quote is so plain and so true. It’s a quote about fitting in. And I still feel like I don’t fit in anywhere I go.

I wish I knew everyone’s nickname, all their slang and all their sayings. Some days I wish I didn’t have the ability speak at all because everything I say seems to come out wrong. People are mad at me, I say stupid things, I can’t express myself. I just can’t fit in. I feel like this every time I’m at a party. I don’t know how to talk to people. I don’t know how to interact. I hate small talk. I’m sarcastic, but apparently I look very unsarcastic and when I break out the wit it horrifies people. They don’t get that I’m being funny and there are painful eternities of awkward silence. Sadly, sarcasm is how I deal with feeling awkward, so I whip out some more and it all just gets worse. Just cut out my tongue.

Every way to show affection, how to dress to fit the occasion. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve leaned in toward someone when greeting them, and I think we’re hugging, but really we’re supposed to… what? Kiss? But I barely know you! I’ve gotten dozens of smeared lips across my cheek as I go for the hug and they’re aiming for the kiss. OK, if we’re supposed to kiss, can we do it on the cheek? I’m not too keen on the mouth-kissing. I’m with Julia Roberts on that one. A little too intimate for some guy I see once a year. Who do you think you are, expecting a kiss from someone you barely know? You’re not Santa Claus, I’m not going to sit on your lap. Why would I kiss you? How about a hug instead? It’s so uncomfortable. It makes me feel miserable. My inner eight-year old flinches and squeals “eeew gross”. It makes me feel like the crazy one, but shouldn’t they be the one feeling bad? They of the casual lip-lock?

Everyone feels a little lost in high school but I thought I might get over this some day. Let’s see, mmm… twelve years later. Nope. I guess not.

This past weekend I spent Saturday and Sunday partying with friends and non-friends. The non-friend parties just plain wore me out. Friends of friends are the ones who exhaust me and send me to the ladies’ room, just so I can be alone for a minute. I sit in the quiet of my small porcelain sanctuary, head in my hands while saying to myself, “I wish I knew everyone’s nickname, all their slang and all their sayings…”

This is why I like blogging. It makes me feel like part of the world, yet I don’t have to actually talk to anyone! I can be incredibly social, posting every day, writing all about myself, bla, bla, bla, me, me, me. But I can do it in a gloriously antisocial way. All alone in my office, mouth shut, no talking, no greeting people, no dodging of the lip-smackers. Aah, blissful antisocial blogging. It’s heaven.

Sometimes Betty Homecrocker (as Beth likes to call me) likes to share her cooking secrets. This is one of those times. I forgot about this recipe until last week when I walked past a big display of Marshmallow Fluff on sale at the grocery store. My sister made it months ago and it was so good. I made it for a party I went to this weekend and it was even better than I had remembered. I forced myself to throw the leftovers out so as not to find myself eating it with a spoon later on. Spme people said it tasetd like cake icing - I think it tastes like heaven.

Fruit Dip

1 8oz. block of cream cheese, softened
1/2 of one large tub of Marshmallow Fluff
A few shakes of cinnamon

Put it all in a bowl and whip it with a hand mixer until it’s smooth and creamy. Dip friut, your fingers, whatever into it and enjoy.

I served apple slices with it - super yummy. If you cut up apples for the dip, remember to sprinkle them with lemon juice to keep them from getting brown. Plus they give the dip an even yummier lemon icing taste.

Lazy is how I’m feeling right now. Too lazy to collect my thoughts into a proper post. I’ll just leave you with this instead. Proof of Molly’s drunken debauchery this past weekend. She drank all of Luke’s Rolling Rock and fell asleep on the beach blanket. What a life.

I finally got around to updating a few parts of my website last night. It’s been so long since I had the time, according to the link on the Bio page, I’ve beed reading the same book since February. The biggest change is the Gifts page which now looks like this:

Pretty, huh? And I know, I spelled commission wrong. Trying to type while having a sneezing allergy attack - not easy. I have to fix that tonight.

I also marked down a few things on my Etsy jewelry shop, Jewelry by Lisa Gaumond.

All in-stock anklets are 50% off. You can score yourself an end-of-summer ankle bracelet for only $10. Get them while they last. There’s also a brand new “Funky Francesca” charm bracelet available. Go check it out!

Playing around with Statcounter this morning to see who is reading this blog and where they’re coming from, I noticed a few referring links that begin with www.croncast.com.

I followed the links and… HOLY CRAP! I’m on the Croncast blog! Woo-hoo! I’m almost famous.

I thought it was pretty exciting back in June when I Googled “Americade 2006″ and Artsy Fartsy was the first site returned. This is way better.

Thanks Kris and Betsy!